“What other people think of you is none of your business”
I found this on a signature line from a friend of mine. Of course, she comes up with some of the greatest sayings.
Sometimes it's just good to read a book and muse!
But I always want to know what people are thinking of me. I worry about it sometimes. I wonder if the saying has any merit? It’s possible that knowing what others are thinking of you is VERY important in business. Or trying to make that sale work.
Just thinking about it …
What do you think?
November 4th, 2011 at 7:12 am
“None of your business” as in . . . you have no right to know (unless they choose to share)? Sure.
“None of your business” as in . . . it shouldn’t concern you? I would quibble with that one. It’s probably not healthy to obsess about what others think of you, or live your life solely to gain others’ approval. Your ego should be more than a reflection of popular opinion/conventional wisdom.
But neither is the opinion others have of you something you should completely ignore. It is something you should consider and, possibly, even change course in response. I would want to know if someone thought I was mean, or thoughtless, or annoying to them. I might conclude that they were over-sensitive or that my actions/behavior were still appropriate for other reasons or just “you can’t please everyone.” But it’s possible that their opinion would tell me something of which I wasn’t even aware, in which case I might decide I wanted to change — not to please them, but to please myself by doing what I thought was right.
Even if it weren’t some matter of fact I wasn’t aware of, their opinion might cause me to re-think my opinion. Even if I ultimately don’t change my opinion, it’s useful to challenge it by considering the opinions of others. Well, the opinions of some others; there are some people whose judgment I value and others I do not.
In that sense, thinking about — even worrying about — others’ opinion can be a healthy thing. Never doing that is something very close to arrogance, I think.
Note: these are appropriate ground rules for opinionated curmudgeons; may not be suitable for other people.
November 4th, 2011 at 8:52 pm
“if people don’t like what you post, f— ‘em”. Those words were recently told to me by a newly acquired friend who was trying to console me . I like to ponder subjects that are outside the box, explore my darker side, which unfortunately lands me in conflict with the moral majority. I recently abandoned a membership at a site because the number of hateful messages I was receiving in my inbox made it not fun anymore. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss.
November 14th, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Oh … I agree with your assessment of this idea.
I do concern myself with what others think of me but at the same time, I do try to be objective enough to discount those thoughts for various reasons if what is being criticized or judged doesn’t really affect me in any way or there could be a number of other factors for those feelings.
Of course, it’s difficult to be objective sometimes when the topic is oneself!
Hugs,
Elisabeth
November 15th, 2011 at 5:46 am
G.B.,
Please keep in touch with me, alright?
Warmly,
Elisabeth
December 18th, 2011 at 2:23 pm
I think there is a real problem with people who are so venomous they will post the most horrific thoughts online that would bring anyone to tears or blows. As a provider myself, I am saddened by the fact that a large number of men (and to some degree women) but mainly men who are jealous of our security in our sexuality and deliberately seek to intimidate us with threats and hateful taunts. These shy, mentally unstable “trolls” love to hide behind text messages. Ironically they seem to not be capable of the verbalization directly, which puzzles me because if I am going to unleash my anger onto someone I usually wish to do it verbally and to their own face!
As a provider, I find myself giving quality service only to be ignored by some clients who wish to sample as many flavors out there and then wonder why they can’t stop themselves from provider shopping. As a provider, the more often I see a client the more I can learn about their tastes and deliver more of what they may seek.
When we humans place all of our energy into trying to please other humans, we set ourselves up for disappointments because people are always fallible. I wish I could learn to just be as in the song, Let it Be. Living by the golden rule and following our own rules of integrity usually manifests the glorious, unexpected and truly rare feedback from someone unexpected that yes, you are highly thought of and loved. Rare and heady indeed.